I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
