It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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