This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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