she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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