wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
