I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
