she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
