I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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