Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
