Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
