I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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