i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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