Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
