I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think a kid would responsible me up
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
