My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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