i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
