K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
