Plan B is the new Plan A
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
