Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
