You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
