im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
