We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
