Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
