we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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