this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
