Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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