i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
