oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we should paint friendship bongs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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