Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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