What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
