I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
