i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Drunk is not a location!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
