At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
