i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize