The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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