Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize