Your face is a jimmy john
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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