Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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