I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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