Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
