Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize