You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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