I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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