? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
