i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
