The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
