No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
