I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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