; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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