so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When did angry sex become our thing?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
