looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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