I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
