bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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