I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
