it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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