We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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