You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
