Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
