I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Text me some of your sweat
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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