Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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