Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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