So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
worst night to have a conscience
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
