So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
