You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
