I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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