I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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