i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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