I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize