My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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