Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
time to smoke my breakfast
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
