Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
