Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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