My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
