so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
