What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
