I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
