im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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