just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
