i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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