I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
