every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
