so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
