Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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