So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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