On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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