Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
