I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
