I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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