she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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